Amoeba Music

This film should seriously be a required viewing for everyone who wishes to adopt a child, or has a child with special needs. Though this belief seems to be shared among those who've seen it, I'd even recommend that children of all ages and backgrounds see it as well, especially those with only one parent. I say this because Karsh's directorial debut is able to show us the experience of adopting a child from both the parent's side, as well as the child's. The Tom family case is obviously unique because of the number of children and the range of their disabilities, but the hardships and joys of family life as a whole are universal. Children of single-parent homes can view this film and be given an example of what obstacles their parent must face, both for them and in terms of their own needs.

Susan Tom is a divorced single mother who, while raising her biological children with her former husband, began adopting children from all over the world. In total, her adopted brood tops off at 11. More mind-blowing than the fact that she is raising and caring for this many children alone is the fact that they all have mental and/or physical disabilities. Without a nurse or much help from foundations and social workers, she and her oldest daughters help maintain the house.

Most of the diseases the children have are things that I have never heard of. Anthony has Epidermolysis bullosa, an extremely rare skin disease that is paralyzing and destroys the collagen and connective tissues of the skin. In time, your skin can no longer stay attached to your body and after years of infections and harsh treatment, most people who have the disease don't reach adulthood. The family had recently lost Susie to the same condition. I mention these two children first because I can't fathom what it could possibly be like to be the parent of a child you know you will outlive, and will suffer immensely before it's their time. Hannah and Xenia were born without legs. Of the two, and arguably the entire family, Xenia is the most confident and has a spirit that is truly uplifting and inspiring. Katie was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and is mentally challenged. Chloe has Arthrogryposis and is unable to bend her joints. Linda was born with spina bifida, or more commonly labeled, split spine. Faith suffered severe burns to her entire body as an infant, and Joe has ADHD and cystic fibrosis, as well as many psychological problems. Joe died before the film's completion, which sprouted a range of feelings among the family. Throughout the documentary we see his loving manner consistently juxtaposed with his verbal, physical, and sexual abuse to his siblings and to Susan. Her eldest daughter Emily has no disabilities and was adopted from Korea during Susan's marriage, as was Margaret, just before her divorce. Though Margaret is happy with her family life and the joys of going to college nearby, the years spent helping her mother with all of the children and household chores has made a social life nearly impossible.

You would think that this documentary would be extremely depressing, but it is the exact opposite. These children suffer not only from their conditions, but from the lack of understanding from their peers and neighbors. And yet, they have such a positive outlook on life, even the few who understand that they might not have much longer to live. Their activities range from swimming and ice skating to acting in plays. The girls dance to pop music, and young Xenia is flirtatious at school and has your typical eighth grade boyfriend. In all honesty, these children seem more comfortable in their own skin and surroundings than I and most of my peers did in grade school and junior high. The fact that Susan Tom could create such a loving, equal, and understanding atmosphere for her children to flourish in is really breathtaking. She even goes so far as to allow some of the birth parents to keep contact and visit their children, though in the case of Joe, it has some unhealthy results.

Since this film, Karsh has chronicled the lives of other children and social settings, presumably with the same amount of grace and respect. The style of a documentary is extremely important, and I think he had an excellent understanding of that. When dealing with an issue as sensitive as youth and family, he approached the task in a fair, balanced, and refreshing way. You cannot walk away from this film feeling sorry for these children, or for yourself; you can only feel inspired to meet each obstacle you face with bravery and an open mind. For people considering adoption, or children at all, this is a superb example of the level of intensity that the experience could have. When you adopt a child, you are truly stepping into the unknown. You're unsure how they will adapt to your neighborhood; you must answer ignorant questions from neighbors, family and peers, and you really will never understand what they feel in terms of their birth family, or their life with you. Seeing a film like this and being given a positive example of the rewarding, and sometimes heartbreaking events in that child's life is more useful to a prospective family's research than any book or rhetorical claim. Of course, I recommend the film to anyone, but those adopting or with special-needs children should really see this amazing documentary.