2011: That Which Doesn't Kill Us Makes Things Longer

Posted by Job O Brother, December 13, 2011 11:03am | Post a Comment

"Why couldn't I have been the year with Obamacare?"

Oh, 2011! Can it be it’s only been a year since I knew ye? This was a year of firsts: The first time I had a kitten who liked to lick new, clean plastic with an almost fetishistic zeal; the first year I lived in Los Angeles without working the floor at my beloved Amoeba Music Hollywood (I miss you, desperate holiday shoppers!); the first year I grew more than one grey hair at the same time (I blame you, traffic on Fairfax!)

It was also the year I suddenly, and without any obvious explanation, decided I loved and wanted to see any and all films of the horror genre. This came as a surprise to me. My boyfriend accuses me often of only liking films where nothing ever happens – preferably with a lone clock ticking in the corner of an otherwise quiet room. It annoys me when he claims this, mostly because I cannot defend myself.

The horror section in Amoeba Music’s DVD section provided me with many hours of happy judging-a-book-by-its-cover moments. Some gems I was hypnotized by were…

It was also an end-time for things. 2011 was the year I quit watching so much reality TV (you made it easy, Real Housewives of Miami) and discontinued my increasingly unhelpful health insurance (you were – ironically – killing me, Blue Shield of California).

We lost some famous human, too. (That term always trips me up – we “lost” some people. Like, we lost professional wrestler Randy Savage, put if we think back to where we last had him, we may find him under the sofa cushions or in-between the driver and passenger seats in our car.) Say goodbye to…

Anne Francis

Milton Babbitt

Jane Russell

Elizabeth Taylor

Sidney Lumet

Gil Scott-Heron

Ken Russell

I live, it seems, permanently behind the times (less glare there), so while other Amoebloggers will no doubt be treating you to current and topical “Picks of 2011” I am forced to share what I personally discovered and/or enjoyed this year, regardless of when it appeared on the pop-culture scene. (Have you kids heard about this rap music? It's swell!) Here’s what kept my boat afloat this year…


Arabian Prince

Genghis Khan

Kim Jung Mi

"Whispering" Jack Smith

In conclusion, I want to extend a hearty thank you to my readers. You’re all sexually attractive and cunningly witty. Also, please stop sending me monogrammed tablecloths. Honestly, I’ve never once mentioned tablecloths in any of my blogs, and I find it a disturbing coincidence that so many of you have, without provocation, taken to gifting me this item.

I wish you [insert whatever the hell you want here] in the new year. Cock out with yer rock out – not necessarily in that order.

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