Whiskers on roses & raindrops on kittens: V. Rondo

Posted by Job O Brother, August 8, 2007 10:22am | Post a Comment

5.) The Haunted Mansion

Last I checked, Amoeba Music is not selling any of these, no matter how much I pester management that there is a ready market for it.

I don’t know what it says about me, but as a child growing up on the sunny island of Oahu, I dreamed incessantly of once again returning to the Haunted Mansion, located on the edge of New Orleans Square in the Magic Kingdom of Disneyland in Anaheim in California on the Mainland…


Something about the temperature, the hues of dark greens, blues and violet, set a-glow by thousands of volts of black light; a soundtrack of pipe organ and church bells… It made a young Job feel at home. I can’t account for it, but that’s how it felt and, infantile as it may seem (maybe even perverse) it still does.

Once inside, I would never want to leave. At age five, I stood at the base of the escalator that took people from the end of the ride to the outside world, and cried. I’m sure people who passed me assumed I was crying because the ride had scared me, when in actuality, I wanted to move in.

I was a deeply unpopular child.

Every once in a while, a copy of the Haunted Mansion soundtrack will pop up in my section of Amoeba. It was only sold at the Park, and even then in limited edition batches (though they re-release them). Most anything Disney on c.d. goes out of print and instantly becomes a collector’s item; there’s always a market for the stuff. There’s people out there right now, who have left their babies alone in cribs, as they hunt for anything with that recognizable Disney logo stamped on it.
(Confession time: When a c.d. simply will not sell in my section, I just hand-draw this emblem on it, then stand back and wait for the bidding war between customers who suddenly must own this “rare release by Disney of the ‘Inside Deep Throat’ soundtrack”.)*

It should go without saying that this entry on my list of "guaranteed bliss" has nothing to do with the Eddie Murphy film based on the ride. I have never seen this movie, for the same reason that I never want to see the photos of Marilyn Monroe's corpse: Eddie Murphy stresses me out.

This is what my Santa looks like - a portrait from the gallery of the Mansion

If you're like me... well, first of all, my condolences... and thoughts of the Haunted Mansion elicit more euphoria than phobia, it may interest you to know there's others like us. You can find them here.

It’s been years since I’ve been to Disneyland. In fact, moving to Los Angeles three years ago is about the time I stopped going. This is not by choice! So if any of you readers out there have plans to go, drop me a line and invite me, please. I promise I will not cry inside the Haunted Mansion…


6.) Sonic Youth

They're a band. They have albums. Y'know.

*This is not true, I have never done this; don't go scribbling the Disney emblem on some record you scratched and try to return it to Amoeba for a refund.
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