The Witch: A New England Folktale and Why You Need to Own It on DVD or Blu-ray

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, November 20, 2016 04:49pm | Post a Comment

The Witch

By Kai Wada Roath
Ambassador of Confusion Hill and host of the Super Shangri-La Show

Did you ever try to hex your Algebra II teacher in high school the night before the final? Have you The Witchwatched the "Salem Witches" episode of In Search Of while sipping red wine from a black Madonna Inn goblet? Is your email password Pyewacket13? If your answer is yes to any of these and you have not yet seen The Witch: A New England Folktale (out now on DVD & Blu-ray), see it. If your answer is no but supernatural historical period horror films are your “jam,” see it.

Normally, I’m more into old school witch flicks, like City of the Dead (1960), Night of the Eagle (1962), and The Witches (1966), but The Witch is well done…just like my King Henry VIII steak at the House of Prime Rib. By the beard of Black Phillip the billy goat, when you watch this you will soon find yourself in an eerie trance in front of your boob-tube, being pulled into the dark and mysterious New England woods in the 17th century. If M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village (2004) and Avery Crounse's Eyes of Fire (1983) had a new little baby sister, it would be The Witch. (Eyes of Fire, if you can find on VHS somewhere, is totally spooksville too! View the trailer HERE.)

Without spilling the jumping beans that will make you claw your couch like your cat Grimoire, this film is about a family that gets the Hulkster Big Boot from a Puritan settlement and then sets up their new farm inconveniently across from a forest where a witch lives. For the next hour and a half you get to watch some kids disappear, some strange animal behavior, some seductive witch boobies, and a few naked grandma witches creeping around.flying ointment

The film was directed by Robert Eggers and it won a bunch of fancy-pants film awards that you could care less about. Eggers recently announced his plans to remake the classic Nosferatu. Let see if it beats Werner Herzog’s version with Klaus Kinski, Nosferatu the Vampyre. Good luck, Robbie.

Next time you are meandering down the Amoeba movie aisles, be sure to pluck this DVD and plop it in your picnic shopping basket. Why, you ask, should I need to own it? The answer is simple -- so you can lend it to all your friends after watching and you may all share the same nightmares together. And who knows, it may inspire you to join your local coven. Get to know your local witches.

And before viewing, as the traditional Julia Child’s recipe for flying ointment goes, get yourself with a lovely mixture of Hemlock, Deadly Nightshade, a dash of Wolfsbane, and some animal fat (baby fat is used in this flick, but please do not use that at home) and rub the witchy goo up and down your legs, throw on a *Pagans' record, and you are good to hit the broom!

*Either the 1960’s garage rock band called The Pagans with their hit "Baba Yaga" or the late 1970’s punk band Pagans with their hit, "What’s This Shit Called Love."

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Black Phillip (1), Robert Eggers (2), Flying Ointment (1), The Witch (3), Witches (9), Film (198), Horror (218), Kai Wada Roath (41), Werner Herzog (7), The Pagans (1), Pagans (2)