Coming to terms with, and starting to get over the death of someone close takes time. For each person this amount of time can vary. For Carla Green, aka femcee CMG of legendary Oakland female hip-hop duo The Conscious Daughters, it has taken up until now, 15 months since the sudden death of her longtime partner in rhyme Karryl "Special One" Smith, to feel like she has come to terms with the sudden passing of her "sister" and musical partner of two decades.
For The Conscious Daughters' CMG, whose rap name is an acronym for "Cash Makin Girl," it was only earlier this month when she felt fully ready to go out and perform the Daugther's music again. The show was a special show celebrating National Women's History Month two weeks ago at Yoshi's San Francisco on a bill along with Suga T, Yo-Yo, Lady of Rage, and The Coup's DJ Pam The Funkstress.
The concert was the first show that CMG felt ready to do since Special One's passing but it wasn't the first show she had done. "That was the second show I did without Special One," she told the Amoeblog recently. "The first was when I had opened up for Too $hort back in March of 2012 and it was just too soon for me to perform. I felt so empty and “not there”. I was onstage but I was 100% absent. It was like I was in a dream and just standing there rapping. It wasn’t a good look!," she shared. But fast forward to March 2013 and CMG was finally ready, she says. "I am [now] at peace with Special One’s death. I have regrouped and reinvented myself. I have a new DJ (Deeandroid) and she is fabulous. We have been rehearsing and vibin’ – so, for this last show with Rage & DJ Pam, Yo-Yo and Suga-T, I was in rare form, feeling good, and really feeling juiced about performing again." Part of that reinvention and regrouping for CMG is realizing that she now has the responsibility "to carry on the legacy of Conscious Daughters" but that she is not doing it alone. "I do feel that Special One is there on stage with me and most definitely watching over me….and I always hear Spesh’s voice in the back of my mind telling me what to do," she said adding that having DJ Deeandroid up on stage with her as her new partner is a real positive as a performer. "I don’t feel all alone and I can vibe off of her," she said of the gifted turntablist who many know as one half of the DJ duo Deeandroid & Celskiii.