Amoeblog

(In which horror shows its many faces... most of them silly.)

Posted by Job O Brother, June 4, 2007 12:52pm | Post a Comment

Last night, Carrie and Logan returned from their hike all a-glow. Logan in-particular seemed moved by the adventure. A woman of few words, the gleam of her face and twinkling blue eyes told a story her voice did not.

I presented my friends with the meal I had prepared only to learn that both women hate bell peppers. Hate bell peppers? But they’re so… innocuous! That’s like hating celery or Saltine crackers or Jane Pauley. I mean, I can understand not loving them, but they’re not dramatic enough to warrant hate!


"I just wanna be loved!"

After some bell-pepper picking and grumbling, dinner was served. The ladies had stopped on the way home and bought Slurpees to mix with the fancy rum that Corey had bequeathed. Between the two ingredients, I concocted an elixir that made you tipsy just by smelling it. Carrie and I fought over who would get the cherry-flavored, and as usual, she won.

We re-arranged the furniture in the living room and created an impromptu theatre, then popped in a DVD of Wes Craven’s “The Hills Have Eyes,” which had been recommended to me by Kirk, one of the VIP’s of the Amoeba Music DVD depot. I asked for a desert themed horror film and, like a computer, out came his suggestion.


Just one of many heart-warming moments from "The Hills Have Eyes"

I’m not a fan of horror films, per se, though I’m not opposed to them. I just never find them scary. Like, ever. My idea of a horror film is “Bowling for Columbine” or “An Inconvenient Truth”. Or, if you really want to see me sweat, tie me down and force me to watch “Dumbo”. I will pee.

[insert sound of Job screaming here]

What I am a fan of is seeing horror films with sexy chicks who shriek, hide their eyes, and clutch my arm; Corey, Carrie and Logan all fit this description.

A one in a million, chance of a lifetime:

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, April 25, 2007 03:22am | Post a Comment
So, there's all these awfully tense feelings around the stuff like the ice mountains-- melting on the north and south poles? I forget what they're called but they sank the Poseid-no, wait that was a big wave. They sank the one that Leonardo DiCaprio was on. Ironically, he is really into green causes. Go Leo!

I bet all that drowning made you run out and buy a Prius. I rather like a Toyota myself, in general. If they were a band, I would buy their music. Beep beep. But that's bad because I am supposed to want to bicycle. Always. Everywhere.


Where was I? Okay, so there's going to be this really big show, a concert - about this global heat problem we have all of a sudden? (Like Live Aid, but it's about the sun burning us all up I guess. It's why we take your old AA batteries and sundry and recycle them, see?) Anyway, everyone is quite serious about this now that we aren't really being able to have Satsuma Mandarins, best fruit in the world, now that there's all this global warming. The damn growing season was iced out. Scary!

So, anyway, the big pop show with the fantastic Spinal Tap is happening over at Wembley - an English thing, if I got that right? Let me tell you, I've been there - not Wembley Arena - just the old UK, and they didn't like me one bit. I want some of you Brits to pop on here and let me give you what for. I'm just as cute as a button, there's no explaining your ways to me. Tsk, I say. (Except Pi. We miss you sweety.honey.baby.)

I admit that there's other save the planet shows going on (I just pictured Bob Geldof making out with Al Gore and it weren't a pretty sight) around the old globe, even up in Antarctica they say. Believe that when I see it! All under the same moniker.

But, we're talking about Spinal Tap. So this time they're calling the big show Live Earth, which is after all what we're aiming for. Gets right to the point, doesn't it? We're not likely to have a big show and call it Dead Earth if you catch my meaning. Say, have you seen that blazing TV show called Planet Earth? Discovery Channel!! If you were a car, you'd be a Toyota! That, people, is a big compliment. If you haven't seen it yet, you should buy an IMAX theatre and invite me over. I'll bring pop. Not really, I'd bring bottled water, but it's all the same, isn't it?

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