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Would the REAL Criterion Please Stand Up?

Posted by Kelly S. Osato, March 6, 2012 08:08am | Post a Comment
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Any film can be a DVD but it has come to be accepted as common knowledge that a Criterion Collection DVD is important. And don't we all know by now that the discerning film aficionados manning the helm of the goodship Criterion don't scrimp when it comes to a figuring "wow factors" into their packaged feature presentations - that's why one expects only the best in classic and contemporary cinema when glimpsing said particular 'C' word, right? WRONG! Welcome to the new world of Criterion Collection realness, created for the people by the people, shining like a grand DIY roadside attraction just off the information superhighway: the Fake Criterions tumblog! Okay, so maybe I'm just getting on board with this trend, which would be still considered fairly new by all accounts if the year were 2002, but seeing as it's 2012 and this blog has only been around for a year and a half and has already amassed extensive content of admin and fan-made Criterion Collection DVD artwork (often highlighting Criterion's sophisticated approach to graphic design by treating lowbrow, low-budget films in a like manner) it seems to me that film geeks are taking the argument for the appreciation of tangible media into their own hands. I mean, what movie enthusiast wouldn't be romanced into acquiring something as ridiculously awesome as this:

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Here's to Andrew Ihla who designed this nugget of Criterion Collection fool's gold! All I can say further is that scrolling through the entries can be painful at times for there is so much goodness in the Fake Criterions stacks that I believe truly should exist. Really, it hurts my feelings to see these things and know that I cannot possibly enjoy the full cinematic experience house within faux Criterion offerings like these:

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So good! If only I could beg Fake Criterion to consider rendering choice titles from my DVD collection with their super-dope graphic treatment skillz. In case my plea for art therapy gains attention I'm officially submitting a request for any of the following films (that happen to be of great personal value to me) to be given the Fake Criterion treatment - please, oh pretty please. And thank you!

John Guillermin's Sheena: Queen of the Jungle (1984)
Trent Harris' The Beaver Trilogy (2001?)
Michael Crichton's Westworld (1973)
Ron Howard's Splash (1984)
Peter Jackson's Heavenly Creatures (1994)
Juzo Itami's Tampopo (1985)
David Winter's Space Mutiny (1988)
Emile Ardolino's Dirty Dancing (1987)
Renny Harlin's Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)
John Boorman's Excalibur (1981)
Robin Hardy's The Wicker Man (1973)
Neil LaBute's The Wicker Man (2006)

Relevant Tags

Parody (1), Collection (2), Dvd (17), Fake Criterions (1), Criterion (4), Design (4)