Amoeblog


The Last Unicorn

Posted by Job O Brother, April 23, 2007 10:17pm | Post a Comment

               EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

               A lovely, young MAIDEN sits on the grass crying.

               In her hand is a trowel. Next to her is a shallow hole.

               The sounds of night birds and insects play and luminous
               fireflies dance in the background; a beautiful night scene.

               An INVISIBLE PRINCE approaches.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Pardon me.

               The Maiden is startled, looks up.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Oh!

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         I startled you, forgive me.

               The Maiden is embarrassed.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                         You were crying. I hate to bother
                         you but I needed to make sure you
                         were alright.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Oh. Yes. Thank you. I am.

               Awkward pause as the Maiden does her best to hold back tears.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Then... Well, then I'll be on my
                         way. Good night.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Wait.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Yes?

               Beat as Maiden thinks of what to say.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                         Is there anything I can do for you?

                                   MAIDEN
                         I... Yes. Just... stay with me a
                         short while?

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Stay with you?

                                   MAIDEN
                         If you wouldn't mind. I don't want
                         to cry anymore and it's easy not to
                         when there's someone here.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Very well. Do you need me to fetch
                         you anything?

                                   MAIDEN
                         No. Please, sit down.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Alright.

               Sounds of him sitting down.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                         It's a beautiful night.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Yes.
                             (beat)
                         You're invisible.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Yes.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Why? ...If I may ask.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         I would tell you but can't.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Oh.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         It's a curse, you see. And the
                         wrong thing could spell trouble for
                         me.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Oh. A witch?

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         What?

                                   MAIDEN
                         A witch's curse? You don't have to
                         tell me.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         A witch. Yes. That part I can say.
                             (beat)
                         You were digging?

               The Maiden glooms over.

               She nods.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                         What for? If I may ask.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Oh... I've a new trowel. My father
                         bought it for me. It's from Home
                         Depot.
                             (sighs)
                         I'm sorry. I'm very sad.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Why are you sad?

                                   MAIDEN
                         It's this trowel...

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         What about it?

                                   MAIDEN
                         I was telling you.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Sorry.

                                   MAIDEN
                         My father bought this trowel for me
                         and not soon after fell into the
                         well.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         That's horrible.

                                   MAIDEN
                         No. No he survived. And as it
                         happened, the well led to a secret
                         room filled with treasure. Gold and
                         emeralds and sapphires of every
                         color...

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         That's amazing.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Yes. Except that they were poison
                         gold and emeralds and sapphires of
                         every color. Well, except the blue
                         sapphires weren't poison but by
                         that point it doesn't matter.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Right.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Still, my father is a strong man
                         and immune to even the most deadly
                         of poisons...

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Impressive, he sounds.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Yes. Yes he is. Anyway, in the
                         center of the secret room lay a
                         dark, dark hole - so deep that it
                         led to the deepest core of the
                         earth, where no light reaches and
                         no man can ever escape.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         He fell in?

                                   MAIDEN
                         No. He had prostate cancer.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         I see. I'm very sorry.

                                   MAIDEN
                         I miss him.

               Beat.

               A UNICORN walks up.

                                   UNICORN
                         Hey guys.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Hey dude.

                                   UNICORN
                         What's up?

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         She was just telling me about her
                         father.

                                   UNICORN
                         Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
                         Sorry.

                                   MAIDEN
                         It's okay. Thanks.

                                   UNICORN
                         I didn't realize you two knew each
                         other.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         We just met.

                                   UNICORN
                         Oh.
                             (to Maiden)
                         You know if you get him laid he
                         won't be invisible anymore.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Dude!

                                   UNICORN
                         What?

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         That's... way too personal! We
                         don't even really know each other.

                                   UNICORN
                         So? I'm not saying she has to do
                         it. Maybe she'll know someone...

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Dude, stop. Right now.

                                   UNICORN
                         Okay, I'm sorry. But you'll never
                         get that curse broken if you don't
                         bring it up.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         I can't even really talk about it
                         because of the curse, okay?

                                   UNICORN
                         Yeah you keep saying that but... I
                         don't get what you can and can't
                         say.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                             (frustrated)
                         Yeah, it's vague. That's what
                         curses from witches are like. It's
                         not like she spelled out a contract
                         with me. I ate one of her fricken'
                         apples not knowing what the hell,
                         and bam! A bunch of mumbo-jumbo and
                         I'm invisible. That's how it works.
                         It's not clear.

                                   UNICORN
                         Okay. Sorry if I offended you.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         It wasn't even a very good apple.

                                   UNICORN
                         I'm sorry.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         It's okay.

               Awkward pause.

                                   UNICORN
                         Okay well, I gotta go.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         'Kay.

                                   UNICORN
                         I'll see you guys around.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Bye.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Bye.

               Unicorn trots off.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Sorry about that.

                                   MAIDEN
                         It's okay.
                             (beat)
                         If I kiss you, will you reappear?

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         I... I don't think so. I mean, like
                         I said, it wasn't exactly clear -
                         what the terms of the curse were,
                         but... Yeah, I mean, someone's
                         already tried just kissing me and
                         it didn't work.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Oh.
                             (beat)
                         Well... I'd have sex with you.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         You would?
                             (She shrugs)
                         Really?

                                   MAIDEN
                         Sure. I mean, if you want to.

                                   PRINCE (V.O.)
                         Uh... yeah, well, yeah. Definitely.
                         Thank you. That would be great.

                                   MAIDEN
                         Okay.

               The Maiden leans back, smiling slightly.

               CAMERA PANS TO NEARBY TRAIL AND BEGINS A TRACKING SHOT THAT
               LEADS TO THE UNICORN WALKING AWAY.

               The Unicorn suddenly stops.

                                   UNICORN
                         Oh shit, I forgot my cell phone.

                                           END

Relevant Tags

Unicorns (2), Sex (14)