INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - EVENING
Phones ring and the office bustles with activity.
An OFFICER taps out six Advil into his palm and swallows them
with an energy drink. He is exhausted.
In his office is CAPTAIN RODIN, intensively studying some
reports.
LIEUTENANT REDDY knocks on the Captain's door. He holds up a
bag of baked goods and smiles.
The Captain smiles wearily.
Lieutenant Reddy sets the bag on the desk, leaves, then
returns with two tall coffees which he sets next to the bag
of pastries; closes the office door behind him and sits down.
The Captain smiles faintly as Lieutenant removes two
croissants, one chocolate, one plain, and sets them neatly on
the bag.
He hands the Captain a napkin.
The Captain nods a thanks, takes the chocolate croissant and
bites.
Lieutenant Reddy eats his croissant.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Captain.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Thanks for the eats, George.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Sure.
(sips coffee)
I wanted to ask you...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
About Officer Sheerah.
Captain waits.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Go on.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
It seems...
(takes breath; sets
croissant down)
I have some concerns about her...
relationship with some of the men.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Relationship?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Now, Jerry, don't get me wrong. I
don't mean that she's gotten
involved with any of them in any...
inappropriate, intimate way...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Okay?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
It has to do more with... It's her
power.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Power?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Yes.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Go on.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
The men feel... and I'm afraid that
in certain instances I agree with
them... that she has too much
power.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Has she been abusing...
LIEUTENANT REDDY
No! No, no. She's been a model
officer, through and through.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Then why the complaint?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
It's... her unique circumstance...
her...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Lieutenant. In plain terms. What's
wrong?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
For starters? Her sword. She holds
aloft her magic sword and suddenly
she's got magic abilities that,
while she uses them only for good,
leaves the men feeling a little
spooked.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Those hardened monkeys?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Yes! And me too, if I'm to be
frank. You don't know what it's
like, Captain. We get called out
for a 1-8-7 and she flies in on
that horse of hers...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Spirit.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Right. And turns everything upside
down.
Knock on the door.
It is OFFICER JOHNSON, a black woman.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Officer Johnson?
OFFICER JOHNSON
Sorry to interrupt Captain,
Lieutenant.
CAPTAIN RODIN
What is it, Officer?
OFFICER JOHNSON
It's MacManus. He's in the lobby
throwing a fit because he doesn't
actually appear in this film.
CAPTAIN RODIN
What?!
LIEUTENANT REDDY
That numbskull. Wait until I...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Is he aware that he's mentioned in
this script?
OFFICER JOHNSON
Well that's what set him off, sir.
He said that the author bothered to
create him but isn't even going to
utilize him and then he kept saying
things like, 'If I'm not going to
be seen I might as well do
whatever...' well... he cussed a
lot.
CAPTAIN RODIN
I see.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
That numbskull.
OFFICER JOHNSON
It's pretty bad, sir. I think you
may want to come down...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes, yes.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
You want me to handle this?
CAPTAIN RODIN
Come with me, but no....
OFFICER JOHNSON
There's just one more thing, sir.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes?
OFFICER JOHNSON
I'm obliged to mention that the
second volume of "She-Ra, Season
One" is available now at Amoeba
Music.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Is this really the time or place,
Officer?
OFFICER JOHNSON
Well, sir...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Nevermind that. Officer Johnson's
doing her duty. Sometimes it's easy
to forget that, as police officers
we're beholden, not only to
society, but to humans that aren't
fictional, that actually exist and
read these blogs, and that they
have money that they might like to
spend on cartoons they watched when
they were a kid and not yet
discerning.
Officer Johnson beams.
OFFICER JOHNSON
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
CAPTAIN RODIN
As for me, I'd much rather snuggle
up with my wife and watch "La
Haine", the roughly funny but
biting social critique on French
youth-culture, directed by Mathieu
Kassovitz and released this week by
Criterion Collection.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Sounds fun!
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes, Lieutenant. And it has a
descent French hip-hop soundtrack
that I just know you'd feel
uncomfortable listening to.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
I meant that snuggling with your
wife sounded fun.
SHE-RA bursts in, riding her magic horse, SPIRIT.
SHE-RA
Behold! I was hoping there'd be
another croissant for me.
Everyone looks at each other, awkward.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Er... no. No there were only two.
She-ra slumps. She and Spirit clomp sluggishly back out the
door.
SHE-RA
(muttering)
...People don't understand what
it's like to be a cop...
END
Phones ring and the office bustles with activity.
An OFFICER taps out six Advil into his palm and swallows them
with an energy drink. He is exhausted.
In his office is CAPTAIN RODIN, intensively studying some
reports.
LIEUTENANT REDDY knocks on the Captain's door. He holds up a
bag of baked goods and smiles.
The Captain smiles wearily.
Lieutenant Reddy sets the bag on the desk, leaves, then
returns with two tall coffees which he sets next to the bag
of pastries; closes the office door behind him and sits down.
The Captain smiles faintly as Lieutenant removes two
croissants, one chocolate, one plain, and sets them neatly on
the bag.
He hands the Captain a napkin.
The Captain nods a thanks, takes the chocolate croissant and
bites.
Lieutenant Reddy eats his croissant.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Captain.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Thanks for the eats, George.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Sure.
(sips coffee)
I wanted to ask you...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
About Officer Sheerah.
Captain waits.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Go on.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
It seems...
(takes breath; sets
croissant down)
I have some concerns about her...
relationship with some of the men.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Relationship?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Now, Jerry, don't get me wrong. I
don't mean that she's gotten
involved with any of them in any...
inappropriate, intimate way...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Okay?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
It has to do more with... It's her
power.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Power?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Yes.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Go on.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
The men feel... and I'm afraid that
in certain instances I agree with
them... that she has too much
power.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Has she been abusing...
LIEUTENANT REDDY
No! No, no. She's been a model
officer, through and through.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Then why the complaint?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
It's... her unique circumstance...
her...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Lieutenant. In plain terms. What's
wrong?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
For starters? Her sword. She holds
aloft her magic sword and suddenly
she's got magic abilities that,
while she uses them only for good,
leaves the men feeling a little
spooked.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Those hardened monkeys?
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Yes! And me too, if I'm to be
frank. You don't know what it's
like, Captain. We get called out
for a 1-8-7 and she flies in on
that horse of hers...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Spirit.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Right. And turns everything upside
down.
Knock on the door.
It is OFFICER JOHNSON, a black woman.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Officer Johnson?
OFFICER JOHNSON
Sorry to interrupt Captain,
Lieutenant.
CAPTAIN RODIN
What is it, Officer?
OFFICER JOHNSON
It's MacManus. He's in the lobby
throwing a fit because he doesn't
actually appear in this film.
CAPTAIN RODIN
What?!
LIEUTENANT REDDY
That numbskull. Wait until I...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Is he aware that he's mentioned in
this script?
OFFICER JOHNSON
Well that's what set him off, sir.
He said that the author bothered to
create him but isn't even going to
utilize him and then he kept saying
things like, 'If I'm not going to
be seen I might as well do
whatever...' well... he cussed a
lot.
CAPTAIN RODIN
I see.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
That numbskull.
OFFICER JOHNSON
It's pretty bad, sir. I think you
may want to come down...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes, yes.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
You want me to handle this?
CAPTAIN RODIN
Come with me, but no....
OFFICER JOHNSON
There's just one more thing, sir.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes?
OFFICER JOHNSON
I'm obliged to mention that the
second volume of "She-Ra, Season
One" is available now at Amoeba
Music.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Is this really the time or place,
Officer?
OFFICER JOHNSON
Well, sir...
CAPTAIN RODIN
Nevermind that. Officer Johnson's
doing her duty. Sometimes it's easy
to forget that, as police officers
we're beholden, not only to
society, but to humans that aren't
fictional, that actually exist and
read these blogs, and that they
have money that they might like to
spend on cartoons they watched when
they were a kid and not yet
discerning.
Officer Johnson beams.
OFFICER JOHNSON
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
CAPTAIN RODIN
As for me, I'd much rather snuggle
up with my wife and watch "La
Haine", the roughly funny but
biting social critique on French
youth-culture, directed by Mathieu
Kassovitz and released this week by
Criterion Collection.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
Sounds fun!
CAPTAIN RODIN
Yes, Lieutenant. And it has a
descent French hip-hop soundtrack
that I just know you'd feel
uncomfortable listening to.
LIEUTENANT REDDY
I meant that snuggling with your
wife sounded fun.
SHE-RA bursts in, riding her magic horse, SPIRIT.
SHE-RA
Behold! I was hoping there'd be
another croissant for me.
Everyone looks at each other, awkward.
CAPTAIN RODIN
Er... no. No there were only two.
She-ra slumps. She and Spirit clomp sluggishly back out the
door.
SHE-RA
(muttering)
...People don't understand what
it's like to be a cop...
END
