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Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi: The Horrors! The Horrors!

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, November 29, 2018 06:07pm | Post a Comment

By Jon Longhi

Welcome to this month’s Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi, where I review recent Blu-ray releases. Both of these Blu-rays came out in the past three months. This month, I review two very different movies that just happen to have the word Horror in their titles.

Horrors of Malformed Men, Arrow Video:
This movie is like going to a Cirque Du Soleil show where all the performers on stage accidentally ate theHorrors of Malformed Men brown acid. I own a huge collection of cult films and along with the films of John Waters, Salvador Dali's Un Chien Andalou, Fellini's Satyricon, and Alejandro Jodorowsky's The Holy Mountain, and this movie pretty much rules the roost of the "HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING?" segment of my collection. The second half of this movie is like a sustained psychedelic assault on the senses. Director Teruo Ishii really pulled out all the stops to make this a one-of-a-kind experience. The movie is an adaptation of the writings of Edogawa Rampo and combines elements of his novels Strange Tale of Panorama Island and The Demon of The Lonely Isle with some of his short stories. The end result is a literal bombardment of strange surreal perversions. There's incest, bestiality, cannibalism, and a number of sexual fetishes that seem unique to Japan. There's a scene where a man sewn into a couch molests women who unsuspectingly sit on it.

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Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi: Halloween Roundup, Part 2

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, October 29, 2018 01:55pm | Post a Comment

By Jon Longhi

Welcome to the second special Halloween themed Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi, where I review recent Blu-ray releases. Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year because that’s when we get a glut of new horror and sci-fi releases. This is my second column this month where I just try and catch up with all of them.

Laserblast, Full Moon Features:
This is kind of a crappy little sci-fi movie from the glory days of VHS that has been given a super deluxe Laserblastedition for it's first Blu-ray release. The film comes in a full-size reproduction of the original video packaging. Inside the huge VHS box you get a DVD/ Blu-ray combo pack of the remastered film and a tiny toy reproduction of one of the aliens from the movie. These are the kinds of goodies that drive hardcore fans crazy and I'm sure somewhere in the future when this goes out-of-print copies will go for big bucks on Amazon and Ebay. Like I said, this is a crappy little movie but there are those of us out there (like myself) who love this film because it was on television when we were growing up. After re-watching it recently, I came to the conclusion that the movie has a really great beginning and end but really drags in between. The film starts with a crazed monster madman shooting a laser gun in the Southern California desert. He is killed by two aliens who soon depart but leave the gun behind. Shortly afterwards, a young man named Billy Duncan discovers the laser gun and that's when things start to go bad for him. At first he is overjoyed by the destructive power of the weapon but it soon starts to take over his life and physically change him. His skin starts to turn green and his behavior becomes increasingly violent and psychopathic. His relationships with his supportive girlfriend and others are increasingly strained as he becomes an alien madman who eventually goes completely berserk and finally goes on a rampage with his new laser gun. That's when the aliens need to come back...

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Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi: Endless Poetry, The Projected Man & Blade Runner 2049

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, April 8, 2018 07:20pm | Post a Comment

Movie Moment

By Jon Longhi

Welcome to the second Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi, where I review new releases on Blu-ray and DVD. This month I review a new movie by surrealist wild man Alejandro Jodorowsky, a classic monster movie from the sixties, and the stylish new sci-fi masterpiece Blade Runner 2049. Everything reviewed in this column came out in the past four months. So here we go:

Endless Poetry, Alejandro JodorowskyEndless Poetry, ABKCO:
Alejandro Jodorowsky is in his late eighties but he's still making movies. Cinema's arguably greatest maverick is not going quietly into that great night. In fact, this is the second film he's put out in the past five years. Both films have been biographical in nature although, like the rest of Jodorosky's films, reality is often just a launch pad for his surrealist flights of fantasy. Just like Federico Fellini, in Jodorowsky's movies it's hard to tell where reality ends and fantasy begins. In fact, this movie has some obvious nods to Fellini films such as 8 1/2 and Juliette of The Spirits. But make no mistake, this movie is pure Jodorosky and goes to places Fellini could never imagine. Just like the rest of his films, there are things in this movie you'll never be able to unsee. There is one scene that depicts a performance art piece where an armless man enlists audience participation to help him caress and make love to his wife that is one of the more disturbing things I've seen in years. Let's make a check list for this film: Random disemboweling? Check. Love triangle with a dwarf? Check. A mother whose only way to communicate is by singing opera? Check. A parade of skeletons? Check. Weird Freudian sex? Check. Strange orgies of psychedelic art? Check. In fact, this checklist could go on almost forever, because on one level this is a mere biography and on another this is a movie about life, the universe, and everything. This film and it's predecessor are the works of an artist at the end of his life trying to teach us the lessons he has learned and what it all means. On a certain level, this is one of the drawbacks of the film. Endless Poetry is not as good as The Holy Mountain, El Topo, and Santa Sangre because those films were delirious searches for the truth, whereas this film is made by a man who has his answers and wants to explain them to us. It's a calmer more controlled work. That difference in tone makes this a more, dare we say, "traditional" film than Jodorosky's early deranged masterpieces. But that is no slight against this picture; the only one Jodorosky is in competition with is the earlier version of himself. This is probably the most crazed and surreal movie that will be released this year. Jodorosky is still in a category unto himself.

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Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi: Open Water 3, The Devil's Rain & The Lost Worlds of Gerry Anderson

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, March 7, 2018 06:00pm | Post a Comment

Having A Movie Moment

By Jon Longhi

Welcome to the first Having A Movie Moment With Jon Longhi. In this monthly column I’ll be reviewing recent Blu-ray and DVD releases. Everything in this column came out in the past four months. So without any further ado, let’s get to the movies:

Open Water 3Open Water 3: Cage Dive, Lionsgate
It's a shark movie. So let's face it, when it comes to jumps and scares, this is like shooting fish in a barrel. But sharks are such a primordial fear for all of us that this movie is still quite effective. Unlike the rest of Hollywood's CGI monsters, shark's are real and all of us know in the backs of our heads that at sometime in our lives we will be on or over the ocean and something like this could happen to us. That's why by the time people end up in the water we're rooting for them no matter how unlikable they are, because there but for the grace of god. The first half hour of the movie is insufferable because the main characters are totally annoying people from Laguna Beach. This is one of the tiresome chores of shark movies: you have to spend the first part of the movie getting to know the bait. These people were so annoying I was tempted to use the fast forward, but finally they ended up on a shark dive boat off the coast of Australia and the ball got rolling. And it got rolling fast. First there's some exciting shark cage footage and then everything goes bat shit crazy as the boat is hit by a rogue wave, and it capsizes and sinks. Then all the passengers and crew are in the water bobbing around with a bunch of blood, bait, and hungry great whites. That's when the fun starts and the scares and thrills never let up until the grim ending. This movie is essentially a remake of the first one except that instead of a married couple in the water, it's a three person love triangle. It's a simple formula but an effective one. At times, all the hand held video cam footage can make this feel like the Blair Witch Project gets eaten by sharks, but what the hell -- it's scary and fast moving and the great white scenes are quite realistic and effective.

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Gill-Men Gone Wild

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, January 28, 2018 06:18pm | Post a Comment

Island of the Fishmen

By Kai Wada Roath
Ambassador of Confusion Hill and host of the Super Shangri-La Show


"There are many strange legends in the Amazon. Even I, Lucas, have heard the legend of a man-fish."
-- Lucas, Captain of the tramp-steamer Rita, in The Creature From the Black Lagoon

So, did the Shape of Water get you all Gilly for more frustrated Fish Dude movies? In 1987, when I was The Amazonjust a young lad of 14, there was only one thing I saved all my allowance for -- a Nintendo Entertainment System. And it was for one game only -- Pro Wrestling. I would become a master of playing Starman, however there was only one enemy I always feared to square off with -- The Amazon (with his famous Piranha Bite and Outlaw Choke). I've been a fan of angry Fish Guys ever since. Well, maybe being a Pisces helps too.

Gill-man characters have been around for quite some time, but The Creature From The Black Lagoon was probably everyone's first favorite fish-man monster from the Devonian period. "What happened to the Universal Gill-Man after the Creature trilogy?" you have often pondered while scooping clams at a 99 Ranch Market. Well, some of you may remember Uncle Gilbert visiting The Munsters family. Herman says Gilbert's wealth was mostly attributed to salvaging lost treasures in the seas.The Munsters, Uncle Gilbert

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