(Be sure to wear flowers in your hair.)

Posted by Job O Brother, March 11, 2014 01:55pm | Post a Comment

(Look close – I'm the guy in the green shirt next to the building.)

I recently returned from a week-long stay in San Francisco.

Now, before you jump to conclusions that’ll confuse matters as I continue on with my story about San Fran, (yes, there’s even more to the story!) it’s important to clarify I was in San Francisco, California – not, I repeat not, San Francisco, Córdoba.

Okay? I just saved you from asking a bunch of inappropriate questions about whether I heard any good cuarteto while away, plus making embarrassingly irrelevant jokes about “getting a dolor de la panza from eating too much Cabsha Alfajores de Dulce de Leche Cubierto con Chocolate.” I know you too well, dear reader! You and your assumptions.

San Francisco, California is located roughly 3,670 miles south-west of Prince Edward Island, but don’t confuse the two – only one of these locations was watered with the many tears of the Mi’kmaq people and named after a British royal who was no fun at drinking-games.

Hint: This couple never went to a Giants game.

I was in SF for what my buddies and I refer to as “M’s Room” – our traditional gathering, occurring an average of three times annually, wherein we work on various art projects in an environment that harkens back to our shared youth – halcyon (if playfully criminal) days when making art was the only thing we treated like a full-time job.

With adulthood, the societal pressure to buy Swiffer products and abstain from nutmeg abuse has made scheduling such creative fun necessary, otherwise: who has time for heeding one’s muse when there’s fabric softener sheets to place? And those episodes of 60 Minutes clogging the TiVo aren’t going to watch themselves!

(It would be easier to watch them if Bob Simon’s stare didn’t make me feel like a Podling losing his essence.)

There's two elements most important in developing the right atmosphere for M’s Room: food and music.

Traditional foods include Cool Ranch Doritos with small-curd cottage cheese [no fats/femme curds!], chocolate-coated digestive biscuits, clove cigarettes (optional), and so much booze. When in SF (as opposed to our meetings in LA or Nevada City) I tend to prefer an icy tumbler of Fernet Branca, because I think minty-flavored dirt-juice makes for a delightful nip.

What’s that you say? Clove cigarettes aren’t food? But we don’t smoke them, you see – we crumble them into dough and bake what I confidentially say is a most-unforgettable choux à la crème. (Dear reader, will you never stop assuming things?)

"Um, Dad? Can Mom be in charge of packing my lunches after this?"

For music, we have a playlist that shuffles over 1,300 hours worth of ear-candy (thanks to my years of employment at Amoeba); every song is specifically selected to sustain our scenario. Here’s some of them:

Blatz – "Fuk Shit Up"

Frank Yankovic – "Hoop-dee-doo Polka"

Tones On Tail – "Go!"

Petula Clark – "Don't Sleep in the Subway"

The Dead Milkmen – "Punk Rock Girl"

Now that I’m back in my Los Angeles every-day, I’m a responsible grown-up once again, and so must leave you now – it’s up to me, after all, to find a suitable preschool for my cats’ litter-box, clean the ibuprofen off the drapes, and run to the store to buy more income tax.


I think your kids are old enough for the awesomeness of The Dark Crystal.
Blatz on LP actually removes age-lines from your weary face. Scout's honor!
So long as you're smoking cloves, you can't be without some Tones On Tail.
Got a sweet-tooth, but don't want weight-gain? Take some Petula Clark. Mmm...
The Dead Milkmen is easy-listening music for the charmingly deviant.
Plus much, much, so much more available at any one of our three retail stores!

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Dead Milkmen (1), Booze (8), Clove Cigarettes (1), Cloves (1), Cool Ranch Doritos (1), Draining Essence (1), Gelfling (1), Dark Crystal (2), Bob Simon (1), Tivo (1), 60 Minutes (1), Mi?kmaq (1), Prince Edward Island (1), Cabsha (1), Art (93), Cuarteto (1), M's Room (1), Cordoba (1), Ryan Cassano (2), Food (31), San Francisco (388), Small Curd Cottage Cheese (1), Digestive Biscuits (1), Fernet Branca (1), Blatz (4), Frank Yankovic (5), Petula Clark (6), Tones On Tail (3)