Posted by Job O Brother, October 1, 2009 08:22pm | Post a Comment

October 8 is Walrus Day. What is Walrus Day and why does it matter to you? Well, it only matters if you enjoy things that you like. Do you fit that type? Are you the sort of person who enjoys things that you like? Then Walrus Day is for you, friend!

Walrus Day is a holiday I invented when I was a kid. I took my favorite animal, favorite number, and favorite month, combining them and voila! (That’s French for ‘that’s how that muthuhfuggin’ happened’.)

Below you’ll find a Walrus Day FAQ. You can read it with your eyes which will magically make thoughts form in your brain! Big fun!

Q: When is Walrus Day?

A: Walrus Day is always celebrated on October 8, regardless of what day of the week it falls on, or whether you’re Jewish, Chinese, or Yusef Lateef. Mark your calendars!

Q: How does one celebrate Walrus Day?

A: Walrus Day is perhaps the easiest holiday on the calendar to celebrate well. The goal is to treat yourself: buy yourself a gift. Want cake for breakfast? Do it. Want to call in sick to work and go to the beach and frolic? This is the day.* Wanna make sweet, sweet love to Beyoncé? I say, if you can, go for it! This is your day, your chance, your excuse to pepper your day with whatever perks and joys you dare. Get creative! Unless you hate getting creative, in which case, Walrus Day is your perfect excuse to stay uncreative the whole day! Very simply: Pamper and splurge as much as possible. Diets be damned!

Q: Does Walrus Day have anything to do with John Lennon or The Beatles?

A: No.

Q: Are you sure? ‘Cause wasn’t John Lennon, like, born or killed on October 8?

A: John Lennon was born on October 9, 1940. He was murdered on December 8, 1980. I understand the confusion, but I am quite, quite certain Walrus Day has nothing to do with John Lennon SINCE I INVENTED THE HOLIDAY MYSELF.

Q: Are presents involved?

A: My family will often buy me Walrus Day presents instead of birthday presents because I prefer that, but no, presents aren’t mandatory or traditional. The most important person to gift is yourself. But if it would thrill you to give someone else a Walrus Day present, have at ye.

Q: I’m a [insert religion here] and I’m totally devout. Can I celebrate Walrus Day without violating the terms of my faith?

A: As far as I know, yes. Put it this way: If you belong to a religion that would be against you taking a day to treat yourself extra special, maybe you should consider changing your religion.

Q: What does this have to do with Ryan Idol and why aren’t there any hot pictures here?

A: This is the Amoeblog, not a porn site. Bookmark accordingly.

Q: I’m gonna buy you a toy walrus for Walrus Day!

A: Okay, not to be a jerk, but – first of all, that’s not a question – second, please, please don’t buy me a stuffed walrus toy or walrus figurine or poster of a walrus. I appreciate the thought, really I do, but walruses stopped being my favorite animal when I was, like, 12. I have a box in storage filled to the brim with walrus trinkets that people have bought me over the years and I don’t need any more! Take the money you would have spent on a walrus-related item and use it to buy yourself something rad. Thank you.

Q: Who’s Ryan Idol?

A: I’m not telling you.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave them below and I will answer them!

And here’s hoping you have a HAPPY WALRUS DAY!!!

*Does not apply to Amoeba Music employees.

Relevant Tags

Holidays (95), Ryan Idol (2), Walrus Day (19), Yusef Lateef (4), Beyonce (33), John Lennon (39), Beatles (103)