Electra Glide In Blue

Posted by Job O Brother, April 16, 2007 10:11pm | Post a Comment

               Phones ring and the office bustles with activity.

               An OFFICER taps out six Advil into his palm and swallows them
               with an energy drink. He is exhausted.

               In his office is CAPTAIN RODIN, intensively studying some

               LIEUTENANT REDDY knocks on the Captain's door. He holds up a
               bag of baked goods and smiles.

               The Captain smiles wearily.

               Lieutenant Reddy sets the bag on the desk, leaves, then
               returns with two tall coffees which he sets next to the bag
               of pastries; closes the office door behind him and sits down.

               The Captain smiles faintly as Lieutenant removes two
               croissants, one chocolate, one plain, and sets them neatly on
               the bag.

               He hands the Captain a napkin.

               The Captain nods a thanks, takes the chocolate croissant and

               Lieutenant Reddy eats his croissant.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Thanks for the eats, George.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                             (sips coffee)
                         I wanted to ask you...

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         About Officer Sheerah.

               Captain waits.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Go on.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         It seems...
                             (takes breath; sets
                              croissant down)
                         I have some concerns about her...
                         relationship with some of the men.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         Now, Jerry, don't get me wrong. I
                         don't mean that she's gotten
                         involved with any of them in any...
                         inappropriate, intimate way...

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         It has to do more with... It's her

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Go on.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         The men feel... and I'm afraid that
                         in certain instances I agree with
                         them... that she has too much

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Has she been abusing...

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         No! No, no. She's been a model
                         officer, through and through.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Then why the complaint?

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         It's... her unique circumstance...

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Lieutenant. In plain terms. What's

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         For starters? Her sword. She holds
                         aloft her magic sword and suddenly
                         she's got magic abilities that,
                         while she uses them only for good,
                         leaves the men feeling a little

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Those hardened monkeys?

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         Yes! And me too, if I'm to be
                         frank. You don't know what it's
                         like, Captain. We get called out
                         for a 1-8-7 and she flies in on
                         that horse of hers...

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         Right. And turns everything upside

               Knock on the door.

               It is OFFICER JOHNSON, a black woman.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Officer Johnson?

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         Sorry to interrupt Captain,

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         What is it, Officer?

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         It's MacManus. He's in the lobby
                         throwing a fit because he doesn't
                         actually appear in this film.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         That numbskull. Wait until I...

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Is he aware that he's mentioned in
                         this script?

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         Well that's what set him off, sir.
                         He said that the author bothered to
                         create him but isn't even going to
                         utilize him and then he kept saying
                         things like, 'If I'm not going to
                         be seen I might as well do
                         whatever...' well... he cussed a

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         I see.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         That numbskull.

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         It's pretty bad, sir. I think you
                         may want to come down...

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Yes, yes.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         You want me to handle this?

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Come with me, but no....

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         There's just one more thing, sir.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         I'm obliged to mention that the
                         second volume of "She-Ra, Season
                         One" is available now at Amoeba

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         Is this really the time or place,

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         Well, sir...

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Nevermind that. Officer Johnson's
                         doing her duty. Sometimes it's easy
                         to forget that, as police officers
                         we're beholden, not only to
                         society, but to humans that aren't
                         fictional, that actually exist and
                         read these blogs, and that they
                         have money that they might like to
                         spend on cartoons they watched when
                         they were a kid and not yet

               Officer Johnson beams.

                                   OFFICER JOHNSON
                         Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         As for me, I'd much rather snuggle
                         up with my wife and watch "La
                         Haine", the roughly funny but
                         biting social critique on French
                         youth-culture, directed by Mathieu
                         Kassovitz and released this week by
                         Criterion Collection.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         Sounds fun!

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Yes, Lieutenant. And it has a
                         descent French hip-hop soundtrack
                         that I just know you'd feel
                         uncomfortable listening to.

                                   LIEUTENANT REDDY
                         I meant that snuggling with your
                         wife sounded fun.

               SHE-RA bursts in, riding her magic horse, SPIRIT.

                         Behold! I was hoping there'd be
                         another croissant for me.

               Everyone looks at each other, awkward.

                                   CAPTAIN RODIN
                         Er... no. No there were only two.

               She-ra slumps. She and Spirit clomp sluggishly back out the

                         ...People don't understand what
                         it's like to be a cop...


Relevant Tags

She-ra (1), La Haine (2), Police (3)