Female singers have been popular since ancient times. Earlier this year a tomb was discovered in Egypt housing the earthy remains of Nehmes Bastet, a singer who lived and died some 2,900 years ago and is to date the only female buried in the Valley of Kings not related to the royal families.

Nearly 3,000 years after her death, female singers were still popular. As far as female musicians, at least in the western world, they mostly played piano or harp and few did so professionally. All-female bands didn't begin to appear until the 1920s AD. An important development in all-female bands was Lee De Forest's invention of Phonofilms in 1919. Before then, a few early attempts at marrying music to short films with Kinetoscopes, which were hampered by their length of 22 seconds. Many Phonofilms were essentially music videos and some of De Forest's first subjects were female musicians. Soon, Ko-Ko Song Car-Tunes, Visual Music and Photophones followed. (Read about early music videos here). 

Predictably, a large part of the appeal of the all-female bands that formed afterward were chosen as much for their looks as their musical talent and even though many included capable musicians and in some cases talented performers, they've never really been the subjects of serious academic attention and information, when available, is usually scant. As Sherry Tucker's book Swing Shift (one of the few books on the subject) put it, the public "looks first and listens later."

 
WAR!
The Boswell Sisters vs. The Andrews Sisters

Last blog, we took a long, almost invasive and menacing look at one of my favorite harmonizing groups, The Ravens. This time, let’s meditate on two groups and the epic chaos that emerged from their earth-shattering battle for supremacy. Yes, we’re going to focus on the blood-thirsty Boswell Sisters and those daughters of doomsday, The Andrews Sisters. (This blog is not for the squeamish and will include death, destruction, and delightfully catchy melodies.)

Many people are already familiar with The Andrews Sisters, and because you, dear reader, are a person, I am including you in this assessment. What these same many people often don’t realize is that The Andrews Sisters actually based their act on another trio of singing siblings, The Boswell Sisters.

The Boswell Sisters were born in the first decade of the twentieth century and, in a show of musical savvy, they chose to be raised in New Orleans, the American music Mecca. By their teens, Martha, Connee, and Helvetia (they were given individual names to make communication in the house more efficient) began singing in movie theatres and on local radio shows, cultivating small celebrity and earning free popcorn.

He matters to me because I cannot think of him without feeling a lovely little warmth in my normally cold, cold heart.

Tiny Tim, before puberty ruined everything

Tiny Tim was born Herbert Khaury on April 12, 1932, in a town just south of Duchess County called New York City (not to be confused with the song "New York City" by Hanoi Rocks). Many historical records list his parents as being people, though this is speculation, and any actual witnesses have long since not been asked.

Young Herbert was given the nickname “Tiny Tim” by locals in his neighborhood because of his habit of walking around on crutches, munching Christmas puddings and asking God to "bless them, every one." (Other nicknames were bestowed as well, such as “that cripple kid who smells like stew” or “faggot,” but none of these stuck.)

“Where’s the restroom?”

“Why’s this one this price and this one this price?”

“Where can I find Edith Piaf?”

That last question is occasionally (to my endless amusement) pronounced as, “Where can I find Edith Pilaf?” to which I always want (but never) answer:

“We file her in-between Condoleezza Rice and Tim Curry. They all go great together.”

My internalized snarkiness aside, I’m all for Edith Piaf. Who could hate La Môme Piaf (her French nickname, literally translated as “That short woman in the black dress with the amazing voice but tragic make-up which someone should seriously having a talking-to-her about”)?

But I think too many people stop with Piaf and don’t investigate the chanson française of her peers, which is a shame because there’s so much to love. Below I offer some performers I think are à l'opposé de terrible.