October 8 is Walrus Day. What is Walrus Day and why does it matter to you? Well, it only matters if you enjoy things that you like. Do you fit that type? Are you the sort of person who enjoys things that you like? Then Walrus Day is for you, friend!
Walrus Day is a holiday I invented when I was a kid. I took my favorite animal, favorite number, and favorite month, combining them and voila! (That’s French for ‘that’s how that muthuhfuggin’ happened’.)
Below you’ll find a Walrus Day FAQ. You can read it with your eyes which will magically make thoughts form in your brain! Big fun!
WALRUS DAY FAQ:
Q: When is Walrus Day?
A: Walrus Day is always celebrated on October 8, regardless of what day of the week it falls on, or whether you’re Jewish, Chinese, or Yusef Lateef. Mark your calendars!
Q: How does one celebrate Walrus Day?
A: Walrus Day is perhaps the easiest holiday on the calendar to celebrate well. The goal is to treat yourself: buy yourself a gift. Want cake for breakfast? Do it. Want to call in sick to work and go to the beach and frolic? This is the day.* Wanna make sweet, sweet love to Beyoncé? I say, if you can, go for it! This is your day, your chance, your excuse to pepper your day with whatever perks and joys you dare. Get creative! Unless you hate getting creative, in which case, Walrus Day is your perfect excuse to stay uncreative the whole day! Very simply: Pamper and splurge as much as possible. Diets be damned!
The endlessly pithy Japhy Grant paid Walrus Day some lip service two days ago on his brilliant blog The Modern Romantic. When you're done plundering Amoeblog, go check it out! I mean, what else are you gonna do - read a book?
Don’t believe the propaganda – December 25 is NOT the “most wonderful time of the year” – today is!
Walrus Day is celebrated all day, every year, on October 8. It’s fun, it’s easy, and no native tribes had to be persecuted in order to bring it about!
A little history: When I was a kid, October was my favorite month (autumn, Halloween, my birthday, the month my parents would visit me at the orphanage), eight was my favorite number (the implications of infinity, the balanced aesthetics of its shape, the date my parents were sued by the orphanage for conning them into admitting me), and walruses were my favorite animal (the Beatles song, their grace in the water and might on land, the animals that raised me after my parents left me with them on the ride away from the orphanage).
I took these three elements and created my very own holiday, and my friends and family have celebrated it ever since.
“But Job,” I hear you asking (I can hear you asking because I can hear your thoughts… even now as you read this… although it’s not that interesting because your thoughts right now are echoing this sentence you’re reading, so I’m basically listening to myself) “But Job,” you wonder, “How does one celebrate Walrus Day, and also, does this shirt make me look fat?”
Well, dear friend, celebrating Walrus Day is easy. Basically, it’s your excuse to do whatever it is that you’d like to do, but normally wouldn’t because you don’t have an excuse.
Common ways of celebrating are:
• Calling in sick to work (does not apply to Amoeba Music employees)
• Replacing healthy, well-balanced meals with your favorite dessert
• Spending money you shouldn’t on bric-a-brac that you want
• Taking yourself out to Amoeba Music and shopping outside the red-tag clearance section
• Anything that pampers, that delights, that titillates ye
