Amoeblog

Venus Was Her Name

Posted by Eric Brightwell, November 30, 2007 05:09pm | Post a Comment
All data seems to indicate that this planet is going to be uninhabitable by 2012. Jack van Impe says it's a good thing. Jesus is going to take charge.
 
"Don't be scurred!"

I, for one, don't plan on hanging around. I honestly heard that the Bush administration set aside billions of dollars for some project in Antarctica. I can't remember where I heard it or any specifics but my theory is that global warming will soon cause a major disaster. Sea levels will rise, causing hordes of displaced, massive, occasionally cannibal Samoan and Maori populations to invade the continent-dwellers' homes- eating the skinny first and saving the chubby for last. The rich and powerful will retreat to the newly tropical Antarctica Maximum Security New Eden Colony like monks in the Dark Ages whilst those of us who've survived work the sand mines of the wastelands, occasionally fending off bands of marauders.

             
Halt! You have violated New Eden's borders.                               "Give us the sand and we may let you live!"

Too far fetched? Beyond our puny imaginations? OK, just look at Palestine and imagine apartheid on a global scale.

 
"Exterminate the bioforms! Exterminate the bioforms!"

A one in a million, chance of a lifetime:

Posted by The Bay Area Crew, April 25, 2007 03:22am | Post a Comment
So, there's all these awfully tense feelings around the stuff like the ice mountains-- melting on the north and south poles? I forget what they're called but they sank the Poseid-no, wait that was a big wave. They sank the one that Leonardo DiCaprio was on. Ironically, he is really into green causes. Go Leo!

I bet all that drowning made you run out and buy a Prius. I rather like a Toyota myself, in general. If they were a band, I would buy their music. Beep beep. But that's bad because I am supposed to want to bicycle. Always. Everywhere.


Where was I? Okay, so there's going to be this really big show, a concert - about this global heat problem we have all of a sudden? (Like Live Aid, but it's about the sun burning us all up I guess. It's why we take your old AA batteries and sundry and recycle them, see?) Anyway, everyone is quite serious about this now that we aren't really being able to have Satsuma Mandarins, best fruit in the world, now that there's all this global warming. The damn growing season was iced out. Scary!

So, anyway, the big pop show with the fantastic Spinal Tap is happening over at Wembley - an English thing, if I got that right? Let me tell you, I've been there - not Wembley Arena - just the old UK, and they didn't like me one bit. I want some of you Brits to pop on here and let me give you what for. I'm just as cute as a button, there's no explaining your ways to me. Tsk, I say. (Except Pi. We miss you sweety.honey.baby.)

I admit that there's other save the planet shows going on (I just pictured Bob Geldof making out with Al Gore and it weren't a pretty sight) around the old globe, even up in Antarctica they say. Believe that when I see it! All under the same moniker.

But, we're talking about Spinal Tap. So this time they're calling the big show Live Earth, which is after all what we're aiming for. Gets right to the point, doesn't it? We're not likely to have a big show and call it Dead Earth if you catch my meaning. Say, have you seen that blazing TV show called Planet Earth? Discovery Channel!! If you were a car, you'd be a Toyota! That, people, is a big compliment. If you haven't seen it yet, you should buy an IMAX theatre and invite me over. I'll bring pop. Not really, I'd bring bottled water, but it's all the same, isn't it?