I slept in a little later than usual, so I don’t have as much time to toss this blog together. Hopefully my innate brilliance will bubble up; if not, I’m sure some well-intended filler and unwarranted bravado will do.
What do I do first thing in the morning, you ask?
…You didn’t ask. That’s not what you were wondering at all? Not at all.
Well… I wasn’t talking to you anyhow. (And shame on you for interrupting!) I was talking to another reader who was wondering what my morning ritual was. Honestly, not everything is about you, y’know.
Anyway, OTHER READER, thank you so much for asking.
What’s that? Oh, it’s for a report you’re doing for school? How delightful!
My morning routine is as follows:
1.) I tend to wake up first. There are exceptions to this rule. I’ve made it through entire days before finally waking up, but again, this is in the minority.
2.) I pet my cat and say mean things to him, sweetly. This is normal. I caress his little head and coo something like, “Morning, little one! I’m going to break your f***ing neck!” He looks at me and purrs. He doesn’t understand English, and is responding to the timbre of my voice. THIS IS NOT ANIMAL ABUSE. I often do the same thing with my boyfriend.
3.) I stumble out of bed, excited to discover which “mystery ache” I’ll have in my joints that morning. What a fun game it is!
4.) I boil water. Boiled water is delicious! I like to add a little tea or oatmeal to mine. Adds some flavor. Délicieux!
2.) I pet my cat and say mean things to him, sweetly. This is normal. I caress his little head and coo something like, “Morning, little one! I’m going to break your f***ing neck!” He looks at me and purrs. He doesn’t understand English, and is responding to the timbre of my voice. THIS IS NOT ANIMAL ABUSE. I often do the same thing with my boyfriend.
3.) I stumble out of bed, excited to discover which “mystery ache” I’ll have in my joints that morning. What a fun game it is!
4.) I boil water. Boiled water is delicious! I like to add a little tea or oatmeal to mine. Adds some flavor. Délicieux!