

Bikini Beach trailer (1964)
As reported by several news outlets including the LA Times, Annette Funicello died earlier today (Monday April 8th) at the Mercy Southwest Hospital in Bakersfield. She was 70. 25 years ago Funicello had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.
Funicello enjoyed major success in both the fifties and sixties, first as original Mousketeer star of television's The Mickey Mouse Club from when it premiered for several years, and in the latter decade as co-star of the phenomenally popular series of "beach movies" she made with Frankie Avalon. Above and below are a few video clips featuring Annette Funicello, including the trailer for 1964's Bikini Beach, a classic 50's clip from The Mickey Mouse Club featuring the Mousketeers that includes Annette looking back in a later decade, and Annette Funicello singing "Jamaican Ska" from 1987's Back To The Beach alongside Fishbone. In Back to the Beach, the grown-up Frankie and Annette go back to the SoCal beach to visit their daughter only to discover there's still fun to be had back on the beach. Also below is the trailer for the original "beach" movie (1963's Beach Party) that kick-started the popular sixties movie series.

(A lady raises her pinky.)
Day 5 (Part 1)
Friday. September 16, 2010
AT SEA
The best part of mornings on-board a cruise ship is waking up to the scent, sight, and sound of your ship at sea. The Pacific Ocean has a myriad of blues in her pallet, all of them are mesmerizing and crushable. For real. If the Pacific Ocean were a lady, I would totally marry her.
The worst part of mornings on-board a cruise ship are the breakfasts. It’s as though they were prepared by contestants on Top Chef who were given the challenge to “make as many things as possible using only white flour and remember – no fresh ingredients!”
By the episode’s end, my tummy loses. Bacon that remarkably resembles fried leather shoes, eggs that looked like they came from a chicken’s leukemia ward, fruit salads that seemed so depressed you’d think they should be sprinkled with Prozac, not sugar – and since I couldn’t bring myself to eat any of these aforementioned items, I was left with the option of pancakes covered in waffle cupcakes, drizzled in biscuits with a dash of bagel. One bite of this, and coffee became my only morning meal.

"I just feel like I'm never gonna accomplish anything that matters."
There are so many invalids on-board, trudging slowly, hunched over stainless-steel canes or walkers, oxygen tanks everywhere underfoot – you can easily forget you’re on a luxury liner, not a retirement home. The greatest danger is not that the ship will sink, but that you’ll get run-over by a Rascal Scooter.

Faces of Death: Cruise Ship Edition
By lunchtime I was ravenous – the coffee that became my only breakfast was, in turn, making a meal of my stomach lining. By Day 5, I decided to try lunch in the main dining room. Up till then, most of my days were off-ship so I could eat from vendors at the ports. I was curious to see if formal lunch was as good as the formal dinners.
It wasn’t. I ordered a salad in which each separate ingredient somehow tasted like water. Put them all together and you get, well, a whole lot of water, but with texture. Despite this disappointment, there was a singular joy in my lunchtime: it was the first meal there where I didn’t have to hear the staff singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Yay, God!
To simulate this experience, as you read the below story of a day lived, you will be given certain music clips to play. These are inserted to provide you with the same tunes Job was hearing as he was doing what you’ll be reading.
For example, while he was writing the above directions, he was listening to this:

“You mean,” I said with a sly grin, “How did you get out here.”
“That’s exactly what I said,” I retorted.
“But not what you meant,” I corrected.
I slammed the door in my face and went back to my numbers. I don’t have to take that kind of snarkiness, you know – not even from myself.
Hours later I was eating some broccoli that the Lord My God made, when a second knock came – this time at the back door. Worried that I was up to my own tricks and hoping to avoid another awkward confrontation with myself, I peaked out the kitchen window to see who it was.
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