Amoeblog


(Wherein I meow.)

Posted by Job O Brother, June 14, 2011 10:17am | Post a Comment
cutest cats
Assholes.

Sometimes my cats are so cute, it annoys me. Especially if they’re being passively cute – you know, just laying in a sunbeam, exposing their bellies – not even trying, but so effwording adorable it just pisses me off and makes me want to stomp them.

It reminds me of when you see a girl who’s so fine, she almost becomes a villain. Like she’s doing it just to torment you. Like, wow you are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen you asshole.

Is there anyone out there with technical know-how who lives in LA that can help me put together my podcast? You must be house-broken, not say mean things about diet Coke, know how to record and broadcast a podcast, and never trick me into getting addicted to heroin (please).

I’m drinking kiefer and listening to Lil’ Kim. Don’t take it personally.

I’m concerned, a teeny bit, about the phenomena of cute cats on the Internet. Increasingly, I’m seeing how the no-fail excitement of kitty-cams and what-not is impacting, not only the World Wide Web, but TV commercials as well. Word is out, and cat footage has gone viral on our screens like AIDS on the prettiest boys of 1984.

Now I’m listening to Jayne County and the Electric Chairs. I’m out of kiefer, so I’m drinking coffee.

My tongue feels thick. I hate it when I become aware of my tongue. It’s like this choice cut of meat that’s too big to chew or swallow, so it’s just sitting there in my mouth. I apologize for this paragraph.

The thing about the cats – the reason it worries me a teeny bit – is because I don’t wanna “get over” cats. I worry that they’ll be over-played, and while I don’t believe I’ll ever stop loving them, I’m afraid I just won’t ever want to see them anymore. I’ve gone through this already with Talking Heads and Thin Lizzy, and I don’t want it to happen again.

 

Now I’m listening to Mary Kay Place.

I’m also bothered, since we’re on the subject, of the way my body moves when I’m playing Angry Birds. I dodge, and lean, and stiffen. It’s not cool. I am not cool. I hate myself and my tongue and my cats but I love beverages and Stephen Malkmus and also my cats.

So yeah. Podcast. Apply here.

Relevant Tags

Podcast (2), Coffee (14), Beverages (2), Cats (28), Lil’ Kim (1), Jayne County (1), Wayne County (2), Talking Heads (16), Thin Lizzy (24), Mary Kay Place (2), Stephen Malkmus (7)