Rich Good of the Psychedelic Furs waits for tacos after the Nevada City Film Festival.
Well, my little dreamlettes, I’ve returned from the Nevada City Film Festival. As vacations go, it was a pretty, exhausting one. (Note the comma after “pretty,” denoting two different adjectives, you little sex-kitten, you.)
It’s a funny thing when the boyfriend and I look forward to returning to Los Angeles for some peace and relaxation. Not that the scent of sun-warmed oak and sounds of a rushing mountain river stress us out (and, conversely, helicopter traffic jams overhead or the drunken homeless barfing taquitos ‘n’ semen on our precious parking spot is as a purification rite for our fourth chakras), it’s that, whenever we go to my tiny hometown, we jam-pack it with so many activities and loved ones that we barely have a moment to shop the boutiques for high-priced, cantaloupe-bubblegum scented soap!
My nephew, Orion, prepares for puberty.
If you’ve never been to Nevada City, you really ought to treat yourself, especially if you’re in some form of romantic relationship, because it’s a great place for all forms of cuddling. And if you’re a single, heterosexual man, you should visit Nevada City post-haste, because the ratio of gorgeous young ladies to males – high to low – is something frequently remarked upon (and because there’s such a shortage of handsome dudes, you don’t have to be a pretty boy to snag a “10”.). If you’re waiting for the punchline here, don’t – I’m being serious; it’s really like this.
If you’re a single gay dude, I’m not saying you shouldn’t visit and enjoy everything Nevada City has to offer, but you probably won’t find someone to fight for the right to marry with, because most gay teens move to the cities the second they realize they don’t want to finger-bang their prom date. However, my little Uranians, if you want to fulfill your fantasy of having sex with a straight dude, Nevada City is the place for you, too, because all it often takes is a couple of six packs or bottles of Thunderbird, and most any of the Lost Boys of the land will be yours for one night. Bi-curiosity is prevalent in a town where even the Denny’s closes at ten o’clock PM. And the next morning, be sure to enjoy breakfast at Ike’s Quarter Café – their corn flapjacks are so tasty they will ease the awkwardness of you and your one-night-stand’s inability to maintain eye contact, plus the real maple syrup will go a long way to getting the flavor of scrotum out of your mouth.
Cleanse your sins.
If I had to pick one highlight of the trip – besides being served beer by bodacious babe Mrs. Lindsey Melugin – it would have to be my interview with Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim of Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
The interview was set up to stream live online and took place before Tim & Eric’s comedy show on the main stage. As usual, I came over-prepared with enough questions to transcript a three volume biography and had done more research than necessary, having committed to memory every detail of each man’s life. (For example, did you know that Eric Wareheim is subject to Dryococelus australis specificus formicophilia, which is why he can so often be found marooned on Ball’s Pyramid wearing nothing but a burqa and carrying an ice-chest full of fresh-cut melaleuca?)
Yours truly, Eric Wareheim & Tim Heidecker
The three of us took our seats before the cameras in a set-up that looked very much like one of their public-access parodies, sans irony. About two questions in, I realized it wasn’t going to be a straight-forward interview; I had been hijacked into participating in one of their acts of comedy terrorism. I was Patty Hearst as Bob Newhart.
Here’s how it would go: I’d field them a normal interview question about their work on TV or artistic influences, and they would find a way to answer everything in association with two of the Film Festival’s sponsors (AJA Video Systems and Telestream) as advertised on the step & repeat behind us.
[A step & repeat are those brand-slathered billboards you often see behind red carpet celebrities as they pose for the cameras. They were named after Edith Step And Repeat, who invented brand-slathered billboards and placed them behind red carpet celebrities as they killed and ate their young in a frenzied blood orgy, a practice which eventually fell out of favor and was instead replaced with posing for cameras.]
Example of interview
Me: Describe your typical Tim & Eric fan.
TIM: Well, there’s two basic types of Tim & Eric fan – a "Telestream type" and an "AJA type"…
ERIC: Yeah, and the Telestream types are always fat.
It went on like this, each one getting more impassioned about their “views” on these two companies, until it reached a fevered pitch and dissolved into acrimony as I stormed off set, leaving them coolly ambivalent and seemingly unaware that anything out of the ordinary had taken place. Basically, it was the type of aggressively awkward hilarity you’d expect from Tim & Eric.
So, why am I telling you about this interview instead of showing it to you? Because some of the sponsors did not find it funny. One of them, Cognizant Productions, claims some ownership of the material, and refuses to let it be seen, apparently thinking the material is so volatile that it would rally hoards of people to boycott all the sponsors’ businesses. Ironically, having these companies’ names reiterated within the context of a comic bit by two beloved television personalities is the very kind of publicity that most companies shell out big bucks for.
The real tragedy is that Cognizant Productions, by not allowing the Nevada City Film Festival to show what was their biggest “celebrity moment” to date, is doing a lot to hurt the Festival, which was counting on the footage to show on interested sites such as Movieline.
Sexy picture plus a caption in small type underneath!
Word on the street is that Nevada City Film Festival staff are trying to reach some sort of amicable compromise with the relevant sponsors. That’s all well and good, but I’m a separate party and I want to see that interview! So if the talks break down and the footage is not released, I will be organizing an online movement to convince the resistant parties to let it be seen. I will provide the appropriate contact information to allow all you Tim & Eric fans to contact them yourselves.
Either way, these companies are about to get some effective publicity, either as the lucky subjects of some great, cutting-edge comedy, or as evil, out-of-touch fools who are so insecure about their services that they can’t allow them to be used for a funny bit.
In the meantime, dear readers, I’m putting the call out now to all you Tim & Eric fans who may have been watching the live-stream interview and have actually recorded it. Please notify me here and we’ll set up some kind of reward situation. That way we can subvert these corporate numbskulls and get our laugh on, the way the Good Lord intended.
What have we learned from today’s blog? That you need to visit Nevada City and get laid, and you should watch Tim & Eric’s show because it’s [insert f-word here]ing funny. Oh, and yeah, eat at Ike’s. Go on! Hop to!