Amoeblog


SOUNDTRACK SERIES #4

Posted by Job O Brother, March 28, 2010 04:44pm | Post a Comment
Directions: Imagine Mr. Brother living another day, as always, with music playing. Whether it’s one of his trusty iPods, or his home stereo, or working the soundtracks section of Amoeba Music Hollywood, Mr. Brother is eating, sonically, with the mouths of his ears.

To simulate this experience, as you read the below story of a day lived, you will be given certain music clips to play. These are inserted to provide you with the same tunes Job was hearing as he was doing what you’ll be reading.

For example, while he was writing the above directions, he was listening to this:


The other day… no, not that day – the other day… yeah, that one… I was painting my collection of pigments, when a car drove past, blaring its music so loud that it felt like an earthquake. But, y’know, an earthquake that could keep a beat.


I’m all for losing one’s self in music, but I do think it’s tacky to blast your car stereo so loud that anyone within an area code can hear it. I’m not talking about regular loud – I’m talking about these people who have pimped out their auto’s sound system specifically so that they can impose their roving, one-man rave on a neighborhood at a time. What if someone’s trying to sleep? What if someone’s trying to record music? What if someone’s being held hostage by a crazy person who’s got a sword pressed to their throat and is screaming:

“IF I HEAR A SINGLE CAR BLASTING MUSIC REALLY LOUD I’M GOING TO CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF AND FILL YOUR THROAT WITH YOGURT AND HONEY AND EAT IT OUT OF YOUR STILL WARM CORPSE WITH A SPOON!”

I mean, that poor hostage would be screwed. Some people just don’t consider these things, and that saddens me. It saddens me like this song saddens me:


You think that I’m being ridiculous; you think that sort of thing never happens, but you’d be surprised.

So anyway, as this dude was driving by, I did what anyone else would do: I copied his license plate number down, tracked him to his apartment, broke in, listened to some tunes…


…And waited until he got home (it was easy to know he was returning because I could hear his car coming from like a mile away), hid inside his hollowed-out television (why do people have these?!) and, when he sat down to watch TLC’s What Not to Wear, I lunged out from the set with my sword in hand, pressed it up to his throat and screamed:

“IF I HEAR A SINGLE CAR BLASTING MUSIC REALLY LOUD I’M GOING TO CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF AND FILL YOUR THROAT WITH YOGURT AND HONEY AND EAT IT OUT OF YOUR STILL WARM CORPSE WITH A SPOON!”

See? That stuff happens. Don’t be naïve.

Anyway, my point was made, and he apologized for blasting his music. I realize his admitting this may have been partially due to my having his fragile life in my hands, but it’s what people say, not what they do, that matters. …I think. I get those things confused.

On my way home from his place, I stopped in at Trader Joe’s to pick up some food. I was real hungry – stalking and threatening people burns a lot of calories – and had an inexplicable craving for honey-sweetened yogurt. Trader Joe’s is always playing music from my youth; stuff to make my generation feel that “this establishment is run by cool folks who could be my friends, not some lame corporation." It works. They run this through their speakers…






…And before I know it, I’ve spent $100 on produce that will be covered in mold in the time it takes me to get it back to my place.

Why is your produce so quick to spoil, Trader Joe’s? Why?

So, I returned home, kissed my boyfriend hello, threw away all the fruits and vegetables I’d just bought, and prepared a delicious dinner of hummus, St. John’s Wort supplements, and cheap wine. Yum! Then we watched this until we fell asleep…


This entry is dedicated to Nathan "Buttertooth" Lambert. He knows why.

Relevant Tags

Soundtrack Series (5), Trader Joe's (20), Front 242 (4), Stefania Rotolo (1), Italo Disco (4), This Mortal Coil (8), Dr. Octagon (1), Tlc’s What Not To Wear (1), Human League (4), Cyndi Lauper (9), Fat Boys (3), Get A Life (4), Chris Elliott (4)