Amoeblog


Amarcord

Posted by Job O Brother, April 19, 2007 10:21am | Post a Comment

               EXT. BACKYARD - DAY

               JOB, (early 30's) scrubs clothes on a washboard in a large
               basin.

               His movements are slow, laborious. He is melancholy.

               From the back-door of a house comes OLIVER CROMWELL, (mid 50's)
               holding two glasses of lime-aid.

               He walks over to Job.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Lime-aid?

               Job gives a tired smile. He extracts his hands from the soapy
               water and wipes them on his shirt-front. He accepts the
               beverage and sips.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL (CONT'D)
                         Hot day.

                                   JOB
                         Thank you. For the drink.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Surely.

               Beat. Job hangs his head.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL (CONT'D)
                         If you don't mind me asking...

                                   JOB
                         Yes?

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Something seems to be troubling
                         you.

                                   JOB
                         Yes.

               Beat.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         If I can be of any service?

                                   JOB
                         Oh... Old Ironsides.
                             (pats his shoulder)
                         You're a peach. A hypocritical and
                         I dare say tyrannical s.o.b.
                         but a peach nonetheless...
                             (sips drink)
                         And you make the best lime-aid this
                         side of the Rockies.

               Job takes a breath and sighs.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         What is it, Job?

                                   JOB
                         I've been thinking lately...

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Yes?

                                   JOB
                         About Ross Bagdasarian.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Who?

               Job's shoulders slump. He hands Oliver back his drink.

                                   JOB
                         See? That's exactly the response
                         I'd expect.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         I'm sorry if my ignorance offends.
                         Please, do tell me who...

                                   JOB
                         Ross Bagdasarian.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Yes. Who Ross Bagdasarian is.

                                   JOB
                         Was.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Who he was.

               Job smiles slightly.

                                   JOB
                         Well... if you really want to
                         know...

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Yes! Certainly, if he is so
                         important to you.

                                   JOB
                             (brightening)
                         He was only one of the most
                         important and unique American
                         Armenian songwriters of the 20th
                         Century!

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Really?

                                   JOB
                         Yes. You know that rad ditty
                         Rosemary Clooney recorded "Come On
                         a My House"?

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Of course.

                                   JOB
                         He wrote it!

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Did he indeed?

                                   JOB
                         Uh-huh. And, remember in the
                         Hitchcock movie "Rear Window"...

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         That reminds me, have you seen the
                         previews for "Disturbia"?

               Job vomits violently.

                                   JOB
                         Err... Anyway, Ross Bagdasarian
                         played the pianist in that; you
                         know, the one who was all obsessed
                         with...

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Yes, yes! I don't really remember
                         what he looked like, but yes.

                                   JOB
                         Oh...
                             (starry eyed)
                         He was very handsome. And kind. And
                         brilliant! Sadly, he passed away at
                         age 52.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         He was young.

                                   JOB
                         Yes. Too young. It was unfair of
                         fate to take him so soon.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         Well, I have made a determination.

                                   JOB
                         To eliminate the military threat
                         posed by the alliance of the Irish
                         Confederate Catholics and English
                         Royalists?

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         No. To investigate this musician,
                         Ross Bagdasarian, and discover for
                         myself why he has brought you so
                         much joy.

                                   JOB
                         Oh... That makes me very happy. I
                         think, if everyone familiarized
                         themselves with his body of work,
                         the world would be a happier place.

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                             (walking away)
                         If off!

                                   JOB
                         Where're you going?

                                   OLIVER CROMWELL
                         To my nearest Amoeba Music to get
                         some Ross Bagdasarian!

               Job laughs.

               A rainbow appears in the sky.

               A dove flies o'er head.

               Children are fed.

               "Disturbia" opens.

               Job vomits again.

                                           END

Relevant Tags

Hitchcock (6), Amoeba Music (53), Oliver Cromwell (1), Ross Bagdasarian (2), Disturbia (1), Armenia (2), Rosemary Clooney (2)