EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
JOB, (early 30's) scrubs clothes on a washboard in a large
basin.
His movements are slow, laborious. He is melancholy.
From the back-door of a house comes OLIVER CROMWELL, (mid 50's)
holding two glasses of lime-aid.
He walks over to Job.
OLIVER CROMWELL
Lime-aid?
Job gives a tired smile. He extracts his hands from the soapy
water and wipes them on his shirt-front. He accepts the
beverage and sips.
OLIVER CROMWELL (CONT'D)
Hot day.
JOB
Thank you. For the drink.
OLIVER CROMWELL
Surely.
Beat. Job hangs his head.
OLIVER CROMWELL (CONT'D)
If you don't mind me asking...
JOB
Yes?
OLIVER CROMWELL
Something seems to be troubling
you.
JOB
Yes.
Beat.
OLIVER CROMWELL
If I can be of any service?
JOB
Oh... Old Ironsides.
(pats his shoulder)
You're a peach. A hypocritical and
I dare say tyrannical s.o.b.
but a peach nonetheless...
(sips drink)
And you make the best lime-aid this
side of the Rockies.
Job takes a breath and sighs.
OLIVER CROMWELL
What is it, Job?
JOB
I've been thinking lately...
OLIVER CROMWELL
Yes?
JOB
About Ross Bagdasarian.
OLIVER CROMWELL
Who?
Job's shoulders slump. He hands Oliver back his drink.
JOB
See? That's exactly the response
I'd expect.
OLIVER CROMWELL
I'm sorry if my ignorance offends.
Please, do tell me who...
JOB
Ross Bagdasarian.
OLIVER CROMWELL
Yes. Who Ross Bagdasarian is.
JOB
Was.
OLIVER CROMWELL
Who he was.
Job smiles slightly.
JOB
Well... if you really want to
know...
OLIVER CROMWELL
Yes! Certainly, if he is so
important to you.
JOB
(brightening)
He was only one of the most
important and unique American
Armenian songwriters of the 20th
Century!
OLIVER CROMWELL
Really?
JOB
Yes. You know that rad ditty
Rosemary Clooney recorded "Come On
a My House"?
OLIVER CROMWELL
Of course.
JOB
He wrote it!
OLIVER CROMWELL
Did he indeed?
JOB
Uh-huh. And, remember in the
Hitchcock movie "Rear Window"...
OLIVER CROMWELL
That reminds me, have you seen the
previews for "Disturbia"?
Job vomits violently.
JOB
Err... Anyway, Ross Bagdasarian
played the pianist in that; you
know, the one who was all obsessed
with...
OLIVER CROMWELL
Yes, yes! I don't really remember
what he looked like, but yes.
JOB
Oh...
(starry eyed)
He was very handsome. And kind. And
brilliant! Sadly, he passed away at
age 52.
OLIVER CROMWELL
He was young.
JOB
Yes. Too young. It was unfair of
fate to take him so soon.
OLIVER CROMWELL
Well, I have made a determination.
JOB
To eliminate the military threat
posed by the alliance of the Irish
Confederate Catholics and English
Royalists?
OLIVER CROMWELL
No. To investigate this musician,
Ross Bagdasarian, and discover for
myself why he has brought you so
much joy.
JOB
Oh... That makes me very happy. I
think, if everyone familiarized
themselves with his body of work,
the world would be a happier place.
OLIVER CROMWELL
(walking away)
If off!
JOB
Where're you going?
OLIVER CROMWELL
To my nearest Amoeba Music to get
some Ross Bagdasarian!
Job laughs.
A rainbow appears in the sky.
A dove flies o'er head.
Children are fed.
"Disturbia" opens.
Job vomits again.
END
