INT. AMOEBA MUSIC - DAY
JOB, (early 30's) stands behind the information desk in the
Jazz Room.
He is removing CD's from their theft-thwarting, plastic
keepers and organizing them in small piles.
His motions are swift and calculated.
He sniffles. He's about to sneeze.
Suddenly, a GIANT of a man (over 7 feet tall), stands in
front of the desk.
Job looks up into the Giant's huge, green eyes and sneezes.
JOB
Ah-CHOO!
GIANT
Do you work here?
JOB
(wiping nose)
Sorry...
GIANT
Oh...
Giant begins to walk away.
JOB
Wait...!
Giant turns around.
JOB (CONT'D)
I work here.
GIANT
Oh.
JOB
I was just... You have a question?
GIANT
What?
JOB
You have a question?
GIANT
Yeah, do you work here?
JOB
Yeah. I was just apologizing for
sneezing.
Beat.
Giant furrows his brow.
GIANT
Why?
JOB
Why was I apologizing?
Giant nods.
JOB (CONT'D)
When you approached me I sneezed,
right after you asked me if I
worked here, and when I said
'sorry' I think you thought I meant
sorry as in 'Sorry, no, I don't
work here.'
GIANT
So you don't work here?
JOB
I do! I do! Okay. Let's start over.
(Job smiles.)
Can I help you with something?
GIANT
I want to talk to someone who works
here.
Job sneezes; covers his face.
JOB
Sorry...
Giant turns and starts walking away.
Job isn't sure what to do.
JOB (CONT'D)
Sir?
Giant ignores him and walks out of the room.
Job waits for a minute, until he's certain the Giant is gone
for good.
Satisfied he is, he ducks behind the counter and uncovers a
magic, golden harp.
He caresses the harp and kisses it lightly.
JOB (CONT'D)
We're safe now.
HARP
That was close.
JOB
I know, right?
SANCHEZ, the manager, peaks around the corner and looks
disdainfully at Job.
SANCHEZ
Whatcha working on?
JOB
(embarrassed)
Oh...
(hides Harp)
I was just... organizing down
here...
SANCHEZ
(not buying it)
Uh-huh.
JOB
Employees keep leaving magic
instruments back here and I'm
just...
SANCHEZ
Okay, well, what I need from you
right now is an explanation about
what I found in your locker.
Job's eyes widen. He stiffens.
JOB
Uh...
SANCHEZ
You know what I'm referring to?
JOB
Um... the suitcase of drug money
and Ziploc bag full of live garter
snakes?
SANCHEZ
No, I'm talking about...
(beat)
Wait, drug money and snakes?!
JOB
Oh! No!
(big, fake laugh)
I thought... um... you were... You
didn't look in the back of my
locker?
SANCHEZ
No, I was too distracted by what I
found in the front of your locker.
JOB
Oh.
SANCHEZ
The bean-stalk?
JOB
Right.
SANCHEZ
The giant bean-stalk that has
somehow sprouted overnight from
your locker and reaches through our
ceiling up into the sky?
JOB
Ohhh...! Right. That bean-stalk.
SANCHEZ
Yes, Job, yes. That bean-stalk.
JOB
I'm sorry, is it in the way?
SANCHEZ
In the way? It has burrowed through
the walls and ceilings...
JOB
I didn't know we weren't allowed to
keep bean-stalks.
SANCHEZ
Uh...
JOB
I mean, it doesn't say anything
about that in the employee
handbook.
SANCHEZ
Yeah. Okay, well, there's a lot of
things that aren't covered in the
employee handbook. We count on you
guys to use common sense...
JOB
Right.
SANCHEZ
...Because we can't police every
detail...
JOB
I understand.
SANCHEZ
...We assume that you guys know
better than to plant mutant foliage
in the break room...
JOB
Sorry.
SANCHEZ
...We assume that you won't stash
your stuff all over the info
desks...
JOB
Right.
SANCHEZ
...And we assume you guys won't
keep cows in the loading dock!
JOB
But, but... I got rid of the cow!
SANCHEZ
Right, but...
JOB
That's how I got the beans for the,
you know...
SANCHEZ
Right, but...
Sanchez pinches his nose, trying to ward off an impending
migraine.
SANCHEZ (CONT'D)
Look. I just want you to think
things through.
JOB
Okay.
SANCHEZ
Like, 'Maybe I shouldn't plant bean
stalks that grow to the clouds
because then angry giants will come
down and want to use our
bathrooms.'
JOB
Oh. Yeah. I didn't consider that.
I'm sorry.
SANCHEZ
Don't be sorry, just don't do it
anymore.
JOB
I won't. I'm sorry.
SANCHEZ
'Kay.
Sanchez walks off.
Job watches and waits until he's gone.
He walks into the storage closet.
Sitting on a shelf in the storage closet is HUMPTY DUMPTY.
HUMPTY DUMPTY
What up?
JOB
You better get outta here. I'm
starting to get in trouble.
HUMPTY DUMPTY
Damn.
(beat)
Where's my drug money?
END
Relevant Tags
Amoeba Music Hollywood, Criminally Insane, SanchezComments
can i be in your movie?
Hilarious!