Amoeblog


9 to 5

Posted by Job O Brother, April 6, 2007 12:02am | Post a Comment

               INT. AMOEBA MUSIC - DAY

               JOB, (early 30's) stands behind the information desk in the
               Jazz Room.

               He is removing CD's from their theft-thwarting, plastic
               keepers and organizing them in small piles.

               His motions are swift and calculated.

               He sniffles. He's about to sneeze.

               Suddenly, a GIANT of a man (over 7 feet tall), stands in
               front of the desk.

               Job looks up into the Giant's huge, green eyes and sneezes.

                                   JOB
                         Ah-CHOO!

                                   GIANT
                         Do you work here?

                                   JOB
                             (wiping nose)
                         Sorry...

                                   GIANT
                         Oh...

               Giant begins to walk away.

                                   JOB
                         Wait...!

               Giant turns around.

                                   JOB (CONT'D)
                         I work here.

                                   GIANT
                         Oh.

                                   JOB
                         I was just... You have a question?

                                   GIANT
                         What?

                                   JOB
                         You have a question?

                                   GIANT
                         Yeah, do you work here?

                                   JOB
                         Yeah. I was just apologizing for
                         sneezing.

               Beat.

               Giant furrows his brow.

                                   GIANT
                         Why?

                                   JOB
                         Why was I apologizing?

               Giant nods.

                                   JOB (CONT'D)
                         When you approached me I sneezed,
                         right after you asked me if I
                         worked here, and when I said
                         'sorry' I think you thought I meant
                         sorry as in 'Sorry, no, I don't
                         work here.'

                                   GIANT
                         So you don't work here?

                                   JOB
                         I do! I do! Okay. Let's start over.
                             (Job smiles.)
                         Can I help you with something?

                                   GIANT
                         I want to talk to someone who works
                         here.

               Job sneezes; covers his face.

                                   JOB
                         Sorry...

               Giant turns and starts walking away.

               Job isn't sure what to do.

                                   JOB (CONT'D)
                         Sir?

               Giant ignores him and walks out of the room.

               Job waits for a minute, until he's certain the Giant is gone
               for good.

               Satisfied he is, he ducks behind the counter and uncovers a
               magic, golden harp.

               He caresses the harp and kisses it lightly.

                                   JOB (CONT'D)
                         We're safe now.

                                   HARP
                         That was close.

                                   JOB
                         I know, right?

               SANCHEZ, the manager, peaks around the corner and looks
               disdainfully at Job.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Whatcha working on?

                                   JOB
                             (embarrassed)
                         Oh...
                             (hides Harp)
                         I was just... organizing down
                         here...

                                   SANCHEZ
                             (not buying it)
                         Uh-huh.

                                   JOB
                         Employees keep leaving magic
                         instruments back here and I'm
                         just...

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Okay, well, what I need from you
                         right now is an explanation about
                         what I found in your locker.

               Job's eyes widen. He stiffens.

                                   JOB
                         Uh...

                                   SANCHEZ
                         You know what I'm referring to?

                                   JOB
                         Um... the suitcase of drug money
                         and Ziploc bag full of live garter
                         snakes?

                                   SANCHEZ
                         No, I'm talking about...
                             (beat)
                         Wait, drug money and snakes?!

                                   JOB
                         Oh! No!
                             (big, fake laugh)
                         I thought... um... you were... You
                         didn't look in the back of my
                         locker?

                                   SANCHEZ
                         No, I was too distracted by what I
                         found in the front of your locker.

                                   JOB
                         Oh.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         The bean-stalk?

                                   JOB
                         Right.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         The giant bean-stalk that has
                         somehow sprouted overnight from
                         your locker and reaches through our
                         ceiling up into the sky?

                                   JOB
                         Ohhh...! Right. That bean-stalk.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Yes, Job, yes. That bean-stalk.

                                   JOB
                         I'm sorry, is it in the way?

                                   SANCHEZ
                         In the way? It has burrowed through
                         the walls and ceilings...

                                   JOB
                         I didn't know we weren't allowed to
                         keep bean-stalks.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Uh...

                                   JOB
                         I mean, it doesn't say anything
                         about that in the employee
                         handbook.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Yeah. Okay, well, there's a lot of
                         things that aren't covered in the
                         employee handbook. We count on you
                         guys to use common sense...

                                   JOB
                         Right.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         ...Because we can't police every
                         detail...

                                   JOB
                         I understand.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         ...We assume that you guys know
                         better than to plant mutant foliage
                         in the break room...

                                   JOB
                         Sorry.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         ...We assume that you won't stash
                         your stuff all over the info
                         desks...

                                   JOB
                         Right.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         ...And we assume you guys won't
                         keep cows in the loading dock!

                                   JOB
                         But, but... I got rid of the cow!

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Right, but...

                                   JOB
                         That's how I got the beans for the,
                         you know...

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Right, but...

               Sanchez pinches his nose, trying to ward off an impending
               migraine.

                                   SANCHEZ (CONT'D)
                         Look. I just want you to think
                         things through.

                                   JOB
                         Okay.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Like, 'Maybe I shouldn't plant bean
                         stalks that grow to the clouds
                         because then angry giants will come
                         down and want to use our
                         bathrooms.'

                                   JOB
                         Oh. Yeah. I didn't consider that.
                         I'm sorry.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         Don't be sorry, just don't do it
                         anymore.

                                   JOB
                         I won't. I'm sorry.

                                   SANCHEZ
                         'Kay.

               Sanchez walks off.

               Job watches and waits until he's gone.

               He walks into the storage closet.

               Sitting on a shelf in the storage closet is HUMPTY DUMPTY.

                                   HUMPTY DUMPTY
                         What up?

                                   JOB
                         You better get outta here. I'm
                         starting to get in trouble.

                                   HUMPTY DUMPTY
                         Damn.
                             (beat)
                         Where's my drug money?

                                           END

Relevant Tags

Amoeba Music Hollywood (104), Criminally Insane (3), Sanchez (1)